im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
