On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could make wine with my vomit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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