Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
