and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
