you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
