the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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