i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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