...so i touched it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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