Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
