so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He has the fingertips of a God
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