is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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