he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
