return my video game
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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