Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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