you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm always down for nudity.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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