3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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