Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
