His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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