Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
