I wannas sexs uuuuu
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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