Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
