Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even my farts smell like vagina
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
