my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
