Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
