Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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