it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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