My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
