so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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