Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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