So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
