Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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