some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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