Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
