No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You may now shotgun with the bride
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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