I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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