worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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