Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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