my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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