I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
