i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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