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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal

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• (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

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• (915): View more from Texas

  I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  It's like we're not even friends

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"

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• (718): View more from New York

  I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af

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