at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
