I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
