This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to make out with him forever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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