hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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