The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
