I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize