Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
