3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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