I bet he comes in French.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
