Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
