I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
