Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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