You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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