who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
