if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
