took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
