i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
