Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
