quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
