I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
