i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
