He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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