Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
