It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
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You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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