I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize