he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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