i love accidental penises.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
