Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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