i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
