i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
