the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
