I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
