listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
