just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
