My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
