that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
